Giving Advice

When to offer it and when to hold back

There are times in everyone's life when the desire to offer advice comes on strong. You may see a family member or friend struggling with a problem or hear the personal complaints of a co-worker and think that some words of wisdom would benefit them. But when is it best to offer advice and when is it good to stay silent?

Unsolicited Advice

If someone hasn't asked for advice but you feel compelled to give it anyway, beware of the risks. Unwanted advice can possibly cause resentment, so weigh your options carefully beforehand. If you feel the advice would truly be unwanted or wouldn't be heeded then it's best to stay silent. The exception would be if someone close to you is about to make a terrible mistake; in that case you should speak up, but do so with diplomacy.

Know Your Limits

If someone asks for advice but you don't feel qualified to give it, don't worry about admitting your limitations. Then perhaps you can steer them toward a more qualified person.

Trust your Instincts

If you feel deep down inside that you need to keep quiet then you're probably right. The same goes with the feeling to speak up. Learn to trust those feelings.


Listen Carefully


To offer good advice you need to have knowledge of the situation. Listen carefully and don't be too quick to jump in with words of wisdom. Know that sometimes all a person wants is for someone to listen and be there for them. To brush up on your listening and communication skills you may want to read Are You Really Listening? or The Art of Talking So That People Will Listen.

26 Nov, 2008 |Beth Farrell (courtesy: MindBody Newsletter)
© 2008 MindBodySanctuary.com.
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JACQUES' Two Cents:

What with over thirty-five years in practice +++ as a clinical psychotherapist/ hynotherapist, I was frequently approached by "freebie brain pickers". Then again, I selectively offered "free advice" and gave it wholeheartedly to individuals who apparently needed help but could not afford my fees.

In both cases, I larned that anything a Therapist gives for free must seem of NO value to the beneficiary, since NO sacrifice, effort or money was spent by them. Thus: the valuable and effective advice I shared was rarely if ever followed and NO gains were made by the recipients.

To these disappointing results, add resentment in cases where I would give advice that was unsolicited and "come to the rescue" voluntarily. I might as well have thrown and flushed it down the toilet.

It is fervently hoped that the sad truth I just shared will not be mistaken for my butting in uninvited---and that the Professionals amongst you may save a lot of time and energy when placed in my former position. :o)

HAPPY HANNUKAH!

Jacques